Hey world! Look, I know it’s been a loonnnng time since I last posted. I apologize. I’ve been trying to save the world in one way or another. But I never forgot about yall! PROMISE.
As some would know, I love hard. There is really no other way to put it. And honestly, who would want someone that loves soft? The only thing soft in love is when two spirits mold till they are rock solid with an adhesive called “trust and faith”. What a beautiful thing it is to trust and love, to laugh and cry, to stare in their eyes- and say, “I love you”.
Far too many times I have let my pea-brain over power my heart’s will; which has left me to run for the hills, run for the coast, run away from love. Let’s get this clear; no rapper, television show, Playboy magazine (RIP Hugh Hefner) made me think I don’t need a woman. Even though I find it odd that rappers rather trust their friends before trusting a woman they are sleeping with…I will NEVER understand that.
But the truth of the matter is my hesitation from love hits a little closer to home than one may think. It was always in the back of my mind whenever I’d find myself really happy with my lady; seeing a promising future on the horizon. The culprit is the one and only… Dad aka my father; and the six words that have tormented my brain for 20 plus years, half the reason I pushed women away, the reason why I always was looking for a flaw in her. As my dad would say, “Son, you don’t HAVE to get married” (ok that was 7 words). And it’s not like he would say it once or twice (Hell, he has even said it on a family video lol). My dad has said it so much it literally could be this mans’ pitch slogan like UPS “What can brown do for you?”
Let me clear the air before my father reads this and decides to change the garage password…or worse, put a lock on the refrigerator. My father is a happily married man; to my mother, for 31 years. And in my 31 years of life I have seen how my dad interacts with my mom.
- Cooking dinner when she was working late
- Fixing things around the house
- Smiling with my mom
- Holding her hand
- Kisses when my dad would leave for work
- Holding doors (he had me and my brother start doing that with our mom)
These are just a FEW of the items my dad always wanted me to be equipped with. My dad was/is in love with my mom; and it’s not just the words that show it, the actions speak volumes. So why tell me I don’t have to be married dad? Why block me from the happiness you have?
It goes without saying people and relationships no matter the condition, will experience problems along the way. It’s almost like we are pre-conditioned to f*@# up (which is kinda f*@#ed up when you think about it). However, God has blessed us with wisdom and the ability to forgive. Which is something critical we all need from each other. Hence why I feel my parents were such an awesome pair. They don’t hold grudges. They don’t forget, but they don’t hold grudges. And seeing that as a young black boy, my parents, loving each other. I desired that for my future I damn near demanded it.
The older I get I think I finally decoded my dad’s, “You don’t have to get married” remarks. Without a doubt my father wants me and my brother to find that Queen we want to marry; have a beautiful family and grandkids they can spoil. He just didn’t want me to rush it (which I did in my younger years) he knew I loved hard; after all, he was the person who cut my hair as a kid while we discussed my school crushes. My parents took pride in showing how to do things around the house and yard. Things such as looking after my brother, cooking, cleaning, homework, raking leaves, became “almost” second nature by the age of 13; not to mention I use to babysit too. All this just to show me I didn’t need anyone to live off of; and also what will happen if you rush into something you aren’t sure of. But the matters of the heart are something the brain can’t control forever. One day you will cave-in and love will win. I feel love is on my side. I had to wade the waters and decode what my dad was telling me. To know I want my woman to be an asset and not a liability.
Love ya dad
~1~ (2….3…. you know what corny joke I’m talking about)