BB, this is for you (remix)

Posted on by dre22k

Being almost 34, I’m getting old… life has been a mixed bag of emotions and this year has been one that seems to break even the strongest man.

Hi, I’m that strong man…

I’ve been through more than I ever care to share right now. Most folks I can’t trust, and it seems Karma has taken full control over my life, probably over stuff I’m not proud of. “What’s done in the dark comes to light” is the saying right? Let’s just say that has been my 2019, part of my 2018 and I’m just getting my mental strong enough for 2020. Seems like me and the skins have a common saying when it comes to victory or overcoming some peril defeat, “there’s always next year right?”

I’ve been doing well finding ways to cope with certain feelings I have. Including love. To be honest and a moment of clarity, I want to be loved. I want to be trusted. And in case you forgot, I don’t want to be that guy that pushes a woman I deemed worthy away. To deny my happiness, I refuse. But this is the kicker, the things I deem worthy don’t always match my actions.  And she knows… Not because I don’t love you but I’m so scared of being a shitty, broke, “having my family on the streets” type of man. Failure truly scares me… But it should never define me.

I’d do anything for my family, but will the world let me do anything for my family? Stuff can get challenging, and it seems daily. Yet, I’m not trying to freeze up and let anyone I care for down. That’s literally my worst fear. My grandfathers were great fathers, my dad is a King amongst men. With such a grand bar they set for me and my brother and cousins, it really makes my anxiety go up. “What if I can’t deliver? What if she thinks I’m a weak man and starts to wander off? She’s human… I’m no dummy… and part of that I’m sure could be the Karma.

Summer of 2017 changed my life for the better. More than I could have every imagined… She brought me growth. I began dating a woman that year and it blossomed into something I believe could be worthwhile, even now with the time we have spent getting back tight… ups and the downs… she is still here. Which is probably why I’m racking my brain so much. She is a dope young lady, personality is so contagious, so goofy and a woman that makes me laugh. Most importantly, this is the only woman I know who has stayed with me through the dark times, and was ROCK, once I stopped being so hard on myself, she reached her hand out and I took it. Most women I dated in the past would leave when things got rough, I just feel as a people we are so quick to drop something (I’m no exception) instead of work it out. She showed me that. She is a rare case in my opinion and something I shouldn’t have taken advantage of. Not to mention she is a family woman, and has some brains, can hold a decent conversation and not about ratchet shit. Finally, a woman who knows what she wants.

Meeting her and getting her number was not my intention, I was there for work and she was at work. She sent me a text and the rest was history. At that time, we both were single and still feeling the situation out, yet we’re happy. I hadn’t felt that way in years and it’s been years since I was dating someone consistently. “Was this too good to be true?” Only time would tell. But as she said to me years back, “I’m comfortable with you, so I’ll be here until you get tired of me”.

 

Let the record reflect she is still here 😊

 

I believed her then and I still believe her now, and I can’t let her go. Being almost 34, no kids, not getting any younger and my job load is increasing severely; I need some stability in my life. And as a Libra, I’m all about balance. I’ve only dated two women that I’d even consider them being a great mom, especially if something were to happen to me. However, as stated above, they couldn’t “go through” rough times with me. Those actions showed who they were from that aspect. So, can she hold it down if I died? To me, that’s a critical question. I see that in her and her actions, even with her own family.

I’m a praying man and pray often. I don’t know what my future holds. In a world where I’m at peace that she is still here. My part in this union is key as I can’t push her away. She is too good of a woman to be treated as such; not perfect but seems too good for me (which she says is ridiculous). Her kisses bring me warmth with a smile to follow because it’s genuine. I didn’t wade the waters looking for her, the universe put us on that path to merge. A path of uncertainty, but also a path of communication, love, and respect; which if we choose, can weed out the uncertainty.

 

And it feels so good to laugh. I’ve been loving that lately.

lo

she might hate it but she loved it enough to edit it

Thank you for always being here. I’ll always love you.

~1~

Time is money.. Time is everything

Posted on by dre22k

A nice Friday, A dry crisp Autumn night. The bloody sun begins to set as I look up at the sky, I see about 5 geese flying south, well at least I think they are; we are both heading the same direction, I-95 south except I’m on a bus. I want to get into something tonight, but what? My pockets are short, I don’t get paid till NEXT week (ugh), and I still need groceries for the week until I get paid. The DMV struggle; or it might just be my ass, can anyone else relate? DC area or not! Nonetheless, after a quick shower and change of clothes, I found myself leaving out the house to meet up with some close friends. Through a group text I found out they all wanted to meet up around 7 tonight at a bar about 30 minutes from my house. No problem. Traffic is usually scarce around this time of night; and on a Friday? I should be good right? Looking at my watch it reads “6:35pm”, so let’s see how this ride goes…

cops

And people wonder why I stay home, take a guess?

If I say I’m going to be at an event or function, damn it, I’m going to be there on time. One thing my friends know about me is I DON’T PLAY WITH TIME. I find it be very valuable and almost priceless in some respects; you can never get it back. Even through all my B.S. and the rough couple weeks I’ve had, I still try to remember “there are only 24 hours in a day”, and I just refuse to have it consumed with negative thoughts. You can’t grow from negative thoughts. So off I go! Off to go drink with the homies! Off to go laugh it up and have a great time! Hell, maybe even a lady may look my way. It’s been such a long time since I met someone worth it; cause the fool’s gold is real out here and I’ve been tricked way too many times. But scratch all that, I’m out here to have a good time tonight….

***50 minutes later, just arriving at the bar***

“Why oh why did I come out!?!”, “Have a good time man, you said that, YOU!”, “I should have kept my ass at home dealing with traffic, ON A FRIDAY, just my luck”.

Yes, I was late. Hella late. Super duper late. Pissed. And of course, when I arrived, the joke cracking began, probably because they were 3 drinks in by this time… “Dré! Did you get pulled over?”, “Mr. On time isn’t ON TIME today!?!”, “You can blame Trump bro, it’s ok”. And it’s sad, because I’m usually the one that’s always on time, cracking jokes at them with about three drinks in my system… ”Y’all on C.P. time again huh man??”, “See this is why I need some white friends, they always on time”. Of course we know this is not 100% true (you sensitive folk), however, is there some truth it? I’ll let you decide. Not to mention as I stated above, I left the house early. So what gives? A drive that usually takes 30/40 minutes took me damn near an hour. It makes zero sense unless of course you live in the DC area, more specifically diving in Northern Virginia, where there can be traffic on a Saturday at 12:30pm, for miles…

Part of the blame goes out to my bogus traffic notification on my phone (App I will not provide, I’ll save you the pain today). Most folks by now know what kind of applications I’m talking about, we use them on a daily basis it seems. Mine had failed to let me know there was an accident on I-95 north, near exit 160. If I was notified sooner by my Google app, I would have taken a different course of action. Us “local folk” tend to bypass these horrible highway catastrophes by taking the backroads aka “the scenic route”. I know for a fact I would not have arrived 50 minutes late had I took the backroads…But that’s not the case. My phone decided to alert me soon as I passed Lorton, VA (exit 163) …and if you are familiar with this strip of road, you know it’s the Goddamn devil. As I attempt to maneuver right to left to right again, trying to avoid bad drivers, I notice everyone on their cellphones… two words…

GET OFF!!!!

 

I noticed blinkers on that were on for 5 minutes or more… SNAP OUT OF IT!!! I noticed drivers driving way beyond the speed limit for freeway driving. I’m taking 50 in a 65mph lane… Where are the cops when you need them!?! And don’t get me started on folks who drive slower than the actual speed of the traffic… you know what I mean, they have 2 to 3 cars space in front of them. And usually when I drive past these batch of folks, I see them either:

  • On their phone having a head conversation, probably to their girl or customer service
  • Or texting, which is so goofy and dangerous here, hell, ANYWHERE, especially if you can’t drive

 

However, in this instance, this one moment, I chose not to drive past this person on their phone. I had enough. Not to mention you are in the left lane aka the fast lane; even though it’s traffic you gotta learn how to drive correctly. So, what did I do?…. Well, what any self-respecting DMV citizen would do…I blew the HELL out of my horn… HARD AS SHIT. Lol.

I blew it so hard (pause), that I distracted whatever convo he had…and made him crash. Sounds like a shitty car insurance commercial and I’m “Mr. Mayhem”. He ended up using the blinker he had on for at least 3 minutes to maneuver right. The driver to his right must have thought to themselves, “that blinker has been on for a long time, must be by mistake”. I mean any person who uses their brain would make an assumption like this, no fault to him. WRONG…no he is in an accident with Mr. Cellphone man caused by Mr. Mayhem man, me. I do feel I’m more of the blame for blowing my horn the way I did. Some would say I’m an aggressive driver for that. I say the dude in front of me flapping his gums is the real culprit. I’m sure their insurance companies will help them wade the waters with that one… I just came here to vent… But man was that a GREAT happy hour.

 

Oh yea, The Washington Nationals won!!!!

natitude

I’m feeling it #FightFinished

Now let’s get home

~1~

 

Born-Sinner

Posted on by dre22k

http://Wade the WatersThere are 365 days in a year,
And half ot that came with some tears.
This ain’t even a poem per se, just shit on my mind, I’d rather say and not spray.
Cause I’d fold’em, close’em, end of the day, don’t nobody want ‘em.
Fools Gold at an all-time high, Tricks and games played by my eyes.
Shit and real talk, I’m one of the good guys,
Holding doors, firm shakes,
Remembering when you address someone, look’em in the eyes.
This life has me feeling past my prime,
Girls now think surgeries gonna make’em a dime.
Even with a little light, folks can get lost in the shine,
The socialite shit is big business, don’t get lost in the fight.
And keep yo head bro, don’t get lost in the cryin’,
There’s more people worse off than you,
Families cryin over babies and babies dying, got folks cryin over families.
This is truth I ain’t lyin,
And if that’s the case then I’m flyin.
And I’m gonna soar high, find my place of peace,
Where the dramas null and void, chilling back with ease,
Loving Mother Earth, alongside this cool breeze,
Makes me reminisce those times on South Beach,
That was with Louie Vee, it was a sick week.
Moments like that when I was so free, well I thought I was.
Depression creeping on me.
And the last thing I want you to do is pray for me,
The year is almost up, 2020 be good to me.
20-20, the year and my vision better be good to me,
Folks assuming and accusing accusations, funny to me,
And plea is what you’d never ever get from me.
Midwest raised, with Midwest ways, and a slight Midwest Craze,
Could leave you in a daze for fucking with my plays.
How dare ya? And I ain’t even tryna scare ya,
I’m a slim cat, but trust these claws can slice ya neck and end ya.
I ain’t no beginner, and these thoughts in my mind come out fresh, hot,
Roast beef, Sunday Dinner.
Ain’t no blot on my name, cousin, I’m a winner,
I’m not perfect either, I’m a born-again sinner.
Lord knows I’m good, he got my pass up there on the printer,
Moments like these never been clearer.
Wisdom granted, prayed daily,
Third eye is open, I think God is a lady.
Too much detail to get into it,
But maybe I’d write a book, spread the word, and prove it.
Wade the Waters, parting our muddle like it’s fluid.
~1~
Not a poem intro

Across the river is representation of where I want to be… away from here…

A Text to You… too late

Posted on by dre22k

Text 1-

Granted I know you won’t get this…you’re gone…left Saturday before I knew. Part of the reason I have tears is due to guilt…and we both knew why. Seems like years ago I was calling you Maine before anyone. Usually played into our juvenile convo when you stated how cheap I was for ordering water at Happy Hour… all I would say was… “Hey Mane…its’s what I do Maine” … but that was years ago. And life happens. Turmoil happens, isolation happens, fear happens… And all that has turned into guilt for me. For some reason I feel the friends who I do lose, I never really deserved them. And these are the folks that would pick up a phone or drive to my house just to check on me; she was the one who did that. My tears are genuine for you, my love for you is genuine; and missing you will be genuine. Not reaching out to you was fear and that’s a tough pill to swallow.

But this is teaching me so much about my own life. My own struggles and insecurities. Because you shared so many of yours with me. My pride held some of mine at bay, but we were so much more alike than I knew. Our talks, our life talks, relationship talks, dog talks, homeownership talks. Damn I really dropped the ball. And to know I can’t speak to you… To know you had so much more going on than I deserved to know, so much more going on, I can’t wrap my head around how selfish I was to you.

Text 2-

These past 4 years I have isolated myself mentally due to life and its ups and downs; and me just not knowing how to handle it. Even in our phone chats and small text convos, you would keep me encourage, with a corny joke or radiant laugh thrown into it. God your laugh; it spoke to who you were.

I must do better about my friends and how I communicate with them, because I’m the one that has pushed my friends away due to my issues. When I deep down need them in my life, and I don’t have many friends to begin with. I wasn’t a friend to you, as I should have. And when you’d reach out to me; I’d be short with you, while I’m battling my own demons, not knowing you have yours. This eats at me. Thus, a change must happen within.

Text 3-

To my friends that do read this or If I see you in person before you read this, just know I’m gonna do better. Just because one stays miles away doesn’t mean I can’t take your call. Doesn’t mean I can’t come to visit. Doesn’t mean you can’t come see me. Doesn’t mean I can’t be more open to you, which is my biggest challenge. But how SHE did it is how I should have been. She was my template for life and how I should take it…Because it’s for the taking…not for the feeble. Which I’ve done the opposite for the past 6 years. As I text you this long ass message Maine, it really lets me know it’s not a dream. You get to see me grow hopefully and be a better man than the one you once knew and even a more open Dré like I was in college; even I miss that guy. I didn’t want your loss and tears I’ve shed to be the reason I need to wake up, but here I am. Only thing I’m thinking about are OUR moments…our binding times. The tears and smiles we shared… the times you were surprised I paid for two alcoholic drinks for you and not the usual water with lemon… All these moments are imprinted in my heart and brain… My heart is the one that’s aching in pain, wishing I could give you one more hug homie, hear your laugh one more time. Gonna miss you.

Wish I was sooner. RIP baby girl…

♥

WTW life sky maine

My List of Ticks…

Posted on by dre22k

If anybody knows me, well then they would know I have some patience issues…and can’t stand people who lack common sense…like the type of common sense you NEED to survive out here. Which always makes me wonder…how DID some of these “humans” get as far as they did in life??? But hell, I’m sure folks have said the same thing about me… and I appreciate your kind thoughts 😊

 

But in a crazy world…no let me rephrase that…in a crazy area known as the “DMV”, it’s VERY possible for you to lose all sanity… Think I’m lying?

Take a drive down I-95 North or South, I-66 West or East, or even the Capital Beltway…I guarantee your blood pressure will raise… a nosebleed waiting to happen.

Well anyway just for some light humor I wrote down a list of things that piss me WAY off… more than it should. Maybe you can relate or maybe I’m just that crazy, which is why therapy is always encouraged!😊

Enjoy ya day and life and wade the waters in the everyday madness!

THE TICKS:

-Bad Drives (Duh)

-Foam on the corner of people’s mouth

-People who can’t do simple task, but ask for help

-random people trying to spark convo with me (this is mostly MY fault though)

-When I want chocolate, but can’t find any

Being broke and bills are coming…but there are bill already here.

-People repeat themselves…multiple times

-Having to repeat myself…multiple times

-Long boring stories

-Cellphones in movies

 

 -People going slow in the FAST lane

-People who have their blinker on but don’t get the hell over…why?

-My dog when he destroys a bed I just bought him

-Holes in woods (not cheap anymore)

-Cellphones on dates… will NEVER be ok

-Car Maintenance

-Forgetting something at home as soon as I leave the house

-People who can’t play basketball but swear their MJ.

-People who think LeBron James is BETTER than MJ… sadly mistaken youngbloods.
nissan 1

When people run red lights…R.I.P. JADA 2009-2017… I had her paid off 😦 

Evilive

Posted on by dre22k 

Someone told me they were depressed last night.

I’ve known her for years.



But she said I caused it.



Robbed her of her life; in her eyes.

And it took a lot for me to swallow my pride.



It hit like a bullet, depressed? You never shared it.

Not until now, you feel you can’t bear it,

Weight too big, but baby how can we fair it.



She knew my demons, Depression too,

Wading the waters like a seaman.

With hopes of work, maybe we can break even.



Depression too? Therapy was my last resort,

Depression too? My feelings all contort,

Depression too? Before you, I didn’t play my part.



And I believe love is a true art.

Is depression? It’s all in the silver lining,

Flirting on the edge between death and perfect timing;

Of love.



Tears roll as I say a prayer to the man above.



Praying for her, because she told me she was depressed last night.

Praying for her, for what she said cuts like a knife,

Praying for her, My parents taught me right,

Praying for her, My God is always right.


(Love never hurts you, A person who doesn’t know how to love you does)

♥

Time…

Posted on by dre22k

 

As time passes, so do my emotions
About love, life, everything right.
About times when I could catch a flight,
With nothing but the clear blue in sight.


What do you long for? What have you done?
Where are you now? Where have you gone?


As I burn a wood, inhale then exhale,
Smoke like a crystal ball, paints it well
My future?
Could be? Sometimes the smoke compromises my sanity.
But naw, was it just a glimpse or totality?


To be clear, I don’t like what I see.
31, damn how can it be?
I gotta wake up, this bullshit is dead to me, I’m fed up.
So now the only time I hang my head is when I bless up.


Pops taught me that,
Same man who pointed to a door and said “Hold that”
Same man who reached out his hand and said “Shake that”
A new position? In the words of Diddy , “Take that”.


Damn,
My bad, maybe I had the fight in me all along.
My bad y’all, maybe I shouldn’t have felt so wrong,
Feeling so out of place, I just don’t feel I have any space.


Space to think about love, life, and everything right,
And the best way to clear these emotions, is to take flight.

♥

 

Untitled 2

Posted on by dre22k 

You guess, you assume,

You get depressed, you gloom




Something so simple, why you blow it up?

Now it’s in your mental, haven’t you had enough?




To not know love, no fault of me,

I blame my parents for being so free,

No lesson bestowed on me




Who do I turn to?

A dog, A friend, an occasional boo?

Or pick up my pieces, and rebuild, like I started to

Before you




I got lost in love, well, of what was

Rushing shit just to get a should shrug; enough

You been hurt before, you’re tough

Trying to decipher between love and lust




To touch a hand, to look in your soul,

To say I don’t love you is too bold,

Looking too deep always comes tenfold;

Or a “Catch-22”




Seems like my life has always been that move, a Catch-22

What feels good, I behoove, not to be a fool

Then you get depressed, you gloom

You start to guess, you assume

♥

Untitled…

Posted on by dre22k 

I come in peace, I mean no harm,

Things I say to you often ring your alarm,

But I don’t mean any harm,

What happened to the charm?




Peace, the word sounds so blissful

Harm, no damage to your spiritual

So when I say peace and not harm, why are you alarmed?




How can two become one?

How can two be one, once the damage is done?

Is life just not fun?

Talk to me Hun?




Because I can’t speak to you

You won’t let me:

Any question or comment is “assumed savagery”

And that’s not the best for you or me




Is life no fun? No fun with me in it?

I know where we once were; committed

And I wasn’t the best man, I’ll admit it

But I was salty from our talks, our love felt inauthentic




And often problematic, which I know wasn’t our true tactic.




I despise entitlement, the need to have it your way,

But it’s your life, who am I to say,

So I just talk to God, pray, give him all my pros and cons

I would talk to you, but this two isn’t one

♥

“Behold…A Lady”

Posted on by dre22k

My father has always been the one to teach my brother and me about being a man. Not to mention, my grandfather (BUDDY) was also a huge influence on how I grew up to treat women, more specifically, my lady; when the time comes.

I’ve been told I have an “old soul” just by some of the things I would say or do. Not your average Millennial (If I’m even considered that). How many Millennial’s know about Little House on the Prairie? Cornbread Earl and Me? As the World Turns? My guess- not many. Hell, some of my friends never heard of the first two selections I mentioned, and that’s perfectly fine. While ya’ll watch This is Us (Which I happened to see one episode… solid show), I’ll be polishing off a bottle of Merlot watching All in the Family.

 

cornbread ear

The relevance of this movie STILL is amazing…must see

But let’s not stray away from my point. My father, being the exceptional man he is, has taught me everything he knew about being a man; a black man in America. The good and the bad; not to mention a lost art, chivalry. There is a saying around town, “Chivalry isn’t dead”. I complete agree, only because I’m one of those men that exhibits such behavior. Being raised by a man in the house, I was taught to “Open her door”, taught to “Hold the door for her”, taught to “Walk on the right side of the street when accompanied by her” …. You get the picture. But none of this wouldn’t have been possible without my mother taking on that role of “damsel in distress”. I put that in quotations because anyone who knows my mother knows she is the furthest thing from that. She has the compassion and understanding of a woman who is able to turn her boys into men.  I pray I find a woman that trumps your character… because you’re a mold I admire, good and bad!

parents love

Idols…

My dad taught me it’s ok to say sorry to the woman you love; she probably deserved the sorry in the first place. And not just saying sorry will suffice, he taught me “Actions are better than words”. Fellas, word to the wise, if you say you are going to do it….do it. Does the new generation know anything about the art of “timing”? More specifically my people of color…this is key. It seems like there is more of a rebellious outlook on life instead of a “What/Where do I want to be in 10 years?” Everyone wants it now…instant success, but I don’t know anyone personally that has made it rich overnight.

Same for the ladies, what makes IG and twitter so appealing that you need to floss your body on there? The models you see on social media are people who get endorsement deals; and then you have some just doing it to T.H.O.T…. aka “Kardashianing” (sup Kim). Not saying all celebs do it, I just want my people to think with some sense; with some nobility.

The south was another pillar in my adult development. Not necessarily for gauging right from wrong, I was pretty solid in that department. It was more so replanting the essence of manhood and being a black man in America, in the south. Being from Ohio, southern roots are in our DNA due to the Great Migration. However, moving to the DC area, those roots, while are somewhat southern, have made me distant from what I was raised to believe. Until I attended Tennessee State University. I was meeting people from everywhere: Tennessee, Arkansas, Mississippi, Florida, Illinois, Texas, Louisiana, etc. The South was everywhere around me as well as their behaviors.

Beyond the gold grills, Girbaud jeans, chopped talk, the Caprices and Impalas; they had real authentic men and women; and some of my dearest friends to this day. There was no shame in courting a woman… and if you had an issue with it… the fellas would make you double think that opinion of yours; and the women wouldn’t give you a second look…. So know your role. Women didn’t get offended where we brought up the topic of submission; and knew the difference between that and a “Yes Man”. Women in the south don’t want a yes man. One of my first dates in Tennessee was with a woman from Georgia. I’ll never forget opening the car-door for her to get in, and I kid you not, she opened the door for me from the INSIDE of the car (after she got in of course). I thought it was a joke until it happened again and then again and then other women did it too. I was shocked, until I was talking to my friend one day after class and he hinted to me it was second nature in a sense. So I guess I overreacted, but what does that say about me and what I want…or better yet who I have met? Cultural differences are more common than you think even within the same hue.

day ones

My day ones…my how we have grown…and for the better might I add #FUPM

I love opening doors and doing chivalrous acts for my lady, there’s no other way around that. Plus, I want to see her smile. Chivalry is in my DNA and other men too; this is not a lost art. Just an art that needs polishing. Ladies, if there is a man that does these for you, it does NOT hurt to say thank or a nice gesture of appreciation. Fellas, remember women love this! It’s not hard and a true example of “the littlest things make me smile”. Give it a shot. I’ll continue to wade the waters and polish my sword till my Queen is ready to meet her Knight.

Peace and love

~1~